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Monday, September 15th, 2003

Subject:Depreciation
Time:1:53 am.
Update from humanforsale.com

9/15/03: You are worth exactly: $1,963,396.00
8/6/01: You are worth exactly: $2,254,566.00

DisorderRating
Paranoid:High
Schizoid:Moderate
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Moderate
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:Moderate
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:Moderate
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



I spent a while this evening reading what happened to me during my first semester of college. It was the second semester that I started keeping an actual diary because I (for once) had some thoughts I needed to express, yet, keep private. I consider things like LiveJournal a way to keep in touch with people that I don't see often. Especially the girl. I haven't seen her in forever, and I don't even know her AIM name anymore. I think I could probably find her, but that's sure to piss her off. I should just ask her, that's the forthright thing to do. Honestly, though, I don't know what we still have in common because the relationship started with gaming and I'm past that now. We have other things in common, but things change and people drift apart over time. Besides, I have a hard enough time keeping up with the people I know now.

Still not a good reason to not ask her for her contact info. Hell, I still have her cell if she hasn't changed it.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, September 8th, 2003

Time:4:19 am.
Mood: pensive.
I still exist. Just on a different plane of reality from everyone else. And my W-2s apparently . . . you think the IRS would have hassled me about this before, but they owe ME money so what the hell are they complaining about? Go buy bullets or something, jeez.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, November 28th, 2001

Time:12:34 am.
I just read The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger by Stephen King.
Good book, I'm looking forward to the rest of the series.

Letter writing is goodness.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, November 24th, 2001

Subject:Thanksgiving
Time:6:21 pm.
I'm back and Thanksgiving was both good and boring at the same time.

It was boring see, and thats good. I needed a break, but I missed the zephyr of activity that I become here at school. I did have a good visit with my grandparents, and got to see aunts and uncles, and two of my cousins I hardly ever see.

I also finished Desecration, so that means I have to wait till next summer to continue. Dammit, write faster men.

Oh, and the Bonnie thing? Who knows. Wrote her a letter, but we'll see if I have the guts to send it or not.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, November 21st, 2001

Subject:A Bane of My Existence: Bonnie
Time:9:04 am.
Mood: lonely.
I've always kinda liked the name, Bonnie. It's my grandmothers name, but that probably doesn't mean anything. The name is very lyrical though, and I like that.

I'll go back to the beginning. Tuesday, October 29, and the time is about 10 PM. Kerr 7 hosted a Halloween party on the roof of the building, kind of a rave themed thing, so we wound up with Geiss projected onto the wall and techno music for a while. We were only allowed 50 people total on the roof, and we were full to the max for most of the night. Now, aside from my friends, there were still quite a few new people. It was great. Libby showed up, now Charles' girlfriend, and she brought along some of her freshmen followers. I suppose that just happens when you're somewhat experienced in the ways of college. Kallina, dressed as a hippie, showed up. She's pretty cool, but giggly and ditzy in a way that would piss most people off, if she wasn't so damned intelligent. Sandra showed up too, a tall, slender redhead who rides a motorcycle. God, Caleb would love this woman. Anyhow, she was perhaps dead, or undead, I don't know except it was fairly gory. Anna, a vampire, showed up as well. Anna has great blue eyes and for a while, I thought she was just cute, the other day while watching Yellowbeard, I came to the conclusion that she is a truly beautiful woman. She looks like a greek statue. And she's athletic and into sports, but not to a scary degree. Kevin likes her. Then there was a mime. She can't really tell her name of course, except she finger spelled it to me, and that was awesome. I like playing with sign language when I can. Her name was Bonnie. Now the thing is, Bonnie has great hands. I mean like, models hands. I was floored. I spent most of the night dancing with these girls. I actually got to dance one on one with every girl at the party, save for Bonnie. That's because Whitney pulled the "I'm going to stand in a corner, and though there's nothing romantic coming from you, you'd better dance with me or I'll stalk you and your grandchildren" thing. So I did, and I blew my chance with Bonnie.
Fast forward to the next day. Drummond 11, Libby's floor, invited us over for a movie and pizza. They then told us that we had to go cause they didn't get enough pizza for all of us. That's cool, maybe we misunderstood, that's fine. So we get back up and watch a movie, and then they kick us off cause a lot of them had a prior engagement, a party at the jock hall, to go to. Okay. That was kinda rude, considering we've had some pretty crappy floor functions with other groups. So we came back to our floor, there wasn't much we could do. Bonnie came over that night and when she heard of what happened, she stormed over to D-11 and got the other movie we were supposed to watch and stood up for us. She made a lot of friends on the floor that night.
I didn't get to experience all this, I was passed out cause of the monster headaches I've been having. Two nights later, I did run into her again. She had come up on the floor and was participating in a movie night. Tim had said he was going to ask her out. He did and she was unenthused, but she said yes. I slept most of that night again cause of headaches. She didn't see me though I did go to the movie night for about 10 minutes. Two nights later, I actually saw her again and talk to her for a few moments. I embarrassed her by remembering her name (how couldn't I? she was the talk of the floor!) and she couldn't remember mine. She went down to Tim's room and waited. An hour later, Tim and Ben come to my door asking if I'd seen Bonnie, apparently she was supposed to come up to the floor. They'd been out at the store. I told Tim where she was and he figured she'd left and then he went to play pool in the lounge . . . without checking his room. I dragged him down there and made him see her. Then I left. That's fine. I liked Bonnie, she was expressive and enigmatic, but Tim liked her so that put her off limits. Though this time, I decided, or rather, had decided for me that I wouldn't mentally switch her from "possibility" to "friend" status. I don't know why I couldn't. It's a pain in the ass. The next day, I played chess with Bonnie in Tim's room. I won, but the game took hours and hours. Actually, about 3 and a half hours. I had a lot of fun.
Bonnie kept showing up on the floor, playing cards and teaching us games like Mao and something like interactive solitaire. She even has a sign name now, I gave it to her. "Devil lady." That's what she gets for teaching us Mao wearing an angel baby-tee. Each time, she winds up near me, or I near her. It's not fair. The other night, we all went to IHOP and she was riding with me. Apparently she'd told Tim she wasn't interested. I guess that's why Tim is drinking straight bottles of Jagermeister now. She said she had a guy in Enid who she liked. Apparently, this is a longstanding like and he's just now interested in her. I think she's flattered and still likes him, but it seems kinda sad in some ways. I think she's liked him for better than 2 years now. Maybe its just sad for me.
Last night, we were playing the solitaire thingie, and she offered me a back rub. Know what I told her? "Normally I'd say yes, but no thanks." I'm a smart cookie. I do know that touching her would make it much worse, but we roughhouse a little as it is, tickling, picking her up and carrying her, etc. Several of the girls do that with us though. A back rub would have made it worse, but all I want right now is a hug.

Damn girls.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, October 10th, 2001

Subject:Star Trek . . .
Time:3:50 am.
Oh, I should be a Vulcan.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Am I Batman? Yes!
Time:3:47 am.
# 1 Batman
# 2 Commissioner Gordon
# 3 Mr. Freeze
# 4 Nightwing
# 5 Ra's Al Ghul
# 6 Oracle
# 7 Renee Montoya
# 8 Alfred
# 9 Bane
# 10 The Penguin
# 11 Batgirl
# 12 Harvey Bullock
# 13 Robin
# 14 The Riddler
# 15 Huntress
# 16 Talia
# 17 The Joker
# 18 The Mad Hatter or the Scarecrow
# 19 The Ventrioquest
# 20 Two-Face
# 21 Catwoman
# 22 Poison Ivy
# 23 Killer Croc
# 24 Clayface
# 25 Harley Quinn
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:Which Marvel Character?
Time:3:47 am.
# 1 Hulk
# 2 Captain America
# 3 Magneto
# 4 Captain Marvel (The lady of light, not Mar Vell)
# 5 Gambit
# 6 Hawkeye
# 7 Human Torch
# 8 She-Hulk
# 9 Mr. Fantastic
# 10 Professor Xavier
# 11 Sabretooth
# 12 Thing
# 13 Thor
# 14 Wolverine
# 15 Cyclops
# 16 Iron Man (Rhodey, not Tony)
# 17 Jean Grey
# 18 Storm
# 19 Wasp
# 20 Beast
# 21 Jubilee
# 22 Nightcrawler
# 23 Rogue
# 24 Spider-man
# 25 Colossus
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Which X character am I?
Time:3:44 am.
Your Results Page # 1 Apocalypse
# 2 Mister Sinister
# 3 Juggernaut
# 4 Magneto
# 5 Sebastian Shaw
# 6 Cable
# 7 Iceman
# 8 Onslaught
# 9 Professor X
# 10 Colossus
# 11 Archangel
# 12 Bishop
# 13 Gambit
# 14 White Queen
# 15 Sabretooth
# 16 Mystique
# 17 Phoenix (Jean Grey)
# 18 Rogue
# 19 Beast
# 20 Wolverine
# 21 Cyclops
# 22 Psylocke
# 23 Nightcrawler
# 24 Shadowcat
# 25 Storm
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, October 1st, 2001

Time:9:24 am.
Mood:human.
I feel a bit more human today. I didn't stress at all yesterday, just rode around in the car with Reid and Ian. Nice little roadtrip to Witchita. Why? Reid had never driven outside of the state himself, so he kind of wanted to.

So we just talked, bullshitted, and planned out talk for our computer lab. It was much goodness.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, September 27th, 2001

Subject:Enterprise
Time:8:15 am.
Alright, I watched it. For 2 hours, it wasn't exactly an enrapturing plot line, but it does show a lot of promise. Lets run it down:

  • White Male Captain
  • Engineer with a Southern Accent
  • Black Conn Officer
  • Asian woman Comm Officer
  • Vulcan Female Science Officer
  • Alien Doctor

    Sounds a bit like the original yes? The tech looks good, and I like how they introduced some problems people have thought of, like the gravity generators and how people would be reluctant to use the transporters after it was first developed. Hell, they showed the introduction of Phasers as Phased-Pistols. Yay.

    I'm all about this vulcan though, and I understand Spock now. Yeah, smart is sexy. And this vulcan has yabos that scoff at gravity. It's all good.

    I have high hopes for this show, lets see where it goes.
  • Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

    Monday, September 24th, 2001

    Time:2:15 pm.
    Thats it. I quit. No D&D for a while. I'm sick of it. I toss and turn and can't sleep well at night cause I keep thinking about it, or rolling dice, or DMing. No RP.

    Beyond that, though, classes are going excellent.
    Attending Ethics has left me pretty guilt free and we've not had a single quiz yet.
    Math is going awesome, but I have homework due and a test on Thursday.
    ComDataSys is a great class, easily my overall favorite.
    Mystery is a lot of fun, but some of the people in there, like Amber Harris, are impossible to debate with. Not cause she's a good at making a case, but rather because,
    A: "Well . . . I liked the story."
    Prof: "Yes, but why?"
    A: "I just did. It was a good read. I liked Character X"
    Prof: "Why?"
    A: "Because . . . she was, a feminist"
    Prof: "What do you think about that Ryan?"
    Me: "How do you get that out of it? She was demure and submissive the entire time, she also was beaten by her husband. That doesn't make her a feminist, because she hates men, it makes her stupid for not leaving."
    A: "But she loved him!"
    Prof and Ryan: *groan*
    Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

    Thursday, September 20th, 2001

    Subject:Looooong Day
    Time:7:02 am.
    Gods its going to be a long day. Being sick has severely thrown off my sleep schedule. So since I've yet to go to sleep, it looks like I'll be staying up for a long long time. I can't skip, I won't let myself do that. And I have a test.

    Damn this is gonna suck.
    Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

    Sunday, September 16th, 2001

    Subject:How fucked up am I?
    Time:11:18 pm.
    DisorderRating
    Paranoid:Moderate
    Schizoid:High
    Schizotypal:High
    Antisocial:Moderate
    Borderline:Low
    Histrionic:High
    Narcissistic:High
    Avoidant:Moderate
    Dependent:Low
    Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

    -- Click Here To Take The Test --

    Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

    Thursday, September 13th, 2001

    Subject:WTC
    Time:9:03 pm.
    I'm sick of hearing about it.

    It wasn't unexpected, not if you were paying attention.
    Lots of people don't like us.
    We get into wars we have no business being in.
    We get our bases bombed.
    Was this that unexpected?
    Only if you had your eyes closed.

    Jesus, people, pay attention.

    I don't deal well with stupidity or ignorance.
    Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

    Wednesday, September 12th, 2001

    Subject:The Girl
    Time:9:04 am.
    Why don't I feel anything for the thousands dead, two cities disrupted, and the entire nation upset?

    I mean feel with my heart, of course. I feel just fine with my mind with such sincere comments as: "That's terrible," "We'll get the bastards," and "How will we ever recover?"

    Instead, I just feel concern for The Girl and her worries, doubts, and concerns.

    Perhaps I'm not totally an inhuman fucking monster. Just mostly.
    Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

    Tuesday, September 11th, 2001

    Subject:Suzanne
    Time:12:16 pm.
    Suzanne, you're all that I wanted of a girl
    You're all that I need in the world
    I'm your child, make me blush, drive me wild
    Suzanne, you're all that I wanted

    When I met you I was all alone
    Cold and hungry cryin' on the phone
    You baked me brownies and said, 'Don't you cry'
    And gave me the coat off your back

    Suzanne, you're all that I wanted of a girl
    You're all that I need in the world
    I'm your child, make me blush, drive me wild
    Suzanne, you're all that I wanted

    Even Izzy, Slash and Axl Rose
    When I call, you put 'em all on hold
    And say to me that you'd do anything
    And all I can do is say that
    I haven't much I can give you in return
    Only my heart and a promise not to turn
    But I sing to you every day and every night
    Suzanne, I'm your man

    Suzanne, you're all that I wanted of a girl
    You're all that I need in the world
    I'm your child, make me blush, drive me wild
    Suzanne, you're all that I wanted
    Of a girl
    Comments: Add Your Own.

    Subject:Where were you?
    Time:12:08 pm.
    I was in my Popular Fiction: Mystery class when I heard the news.

    NEW YORK (CNN) -- Terrorists struck the United States Tuesday morning in harrowing, widespread attacks that included at least three commercial jet crashes into significant buildings.

    In the first attack, a plane smashed into the north tower of the World Trade Center in Manhattan shortly before 9 a.m., followed by another plane into the second tower about 20 minutes later. Both towers later collapsed. Sources told CNN that one of the planes was an American Airlines Boeing 767 that had been hijacked after take-off from Boston.

    About an hour later, a plane crashed into the Pentagon in Washington, part of which later collapsed.

    Sources say a second plane was heading toward the Pentagon; F-16 jets were in the air monitoring it.

    The Pentagon, the White House, the State Department, the Justice Department, the Capitol and all other government buildings in Washington evacuated.

    The FAA shut down all airports in the country, and all international flights heading into D.C. and New York airports were diverted to Canada.

    Israel has evacuated all its missions around the world.

    President Bush cancelled an appearance in Florida to return to Washington, calling the crashes "apparent terrorist attacks" and "a national tragedy."

    In Chicago, the Sears Tower was evacuated; United Nations in New York evacuated.

    The New York Port Authority said it had closed all bridges and tunnels into the city.

    New York's Bellevue Hospital was designated command central for handling the catastrophe. Several hospitals have already reported receiving victims with burns and head injuries.

    Large plane crashed 80 miles south of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, but it was unknown if this crash was connected to terrorist attacks.
    Comments: Add Your Own.

    Time:8:28 am.
    Mood: curious.
    Where is the girl?
    Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

    Sunday, September 9th, 2001

    Time:11:43 am.
    Looks like I get to go home today. Yay. Not.
    Comments: Add Your Own.

    LiveJournal for Ryan.

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